Why I support George W Bush

I'm going to let you good folks in on a little secret, a secret not even my closest friends know, intrigued?

Once a very long time ago while still in college, your faithful reporter once voted Democrat.
Now I know what you're thinking, why did a patriotic all American boy like him sell his very essence to the vile anti American communist entity that plagues our sacred electoral system?

Well like all red blooded American males I did something I'm not proud of for one reason and one reason only- to get laid.

Now I'm not here to advocate or even justify my vile actions to a obviously horrified nation, no I'm here to say yes, you can commit crimes in your youth and filled with regret you can also strive like a patriot to correct the wrongs you have done to the American people.

For does it not say in the good book, (the book of Cyril, verse four.)

Thoust shall make all right in your older days, all that thouest done wrong in thouest younger days, and ye shall never again touch your neighbours donkey in an inappropriate manner without said donkeys express and written permission.

This is one of the reasons I now feel obliged to support our current president, a man who though born to great power is a humble man, as at home reading stories of goats to beautiful wholesome American children as he is waging a valiant holy war against those filthy rag headed heathens who blatantly deny our lord Jesus Christ.

Now I can hear the traitorous left leaning scum among you say yes, we know the president is a good and humble man but we hate all that is just and righteously American, why should we support the president?

I'll tell you why you dirty liberal pinko bastards, because we have your names and addresses, you really think that the ballot box is secret?
Think again you filthy socialist traitors, we know who you put your dirty little mark against and in the not too distant future expect a knock on the door in the middle of the night.

This is why, after a youthful indiscretion I've worked my whole life to right that wrong and to steer the young and impressionable minds of this country into voting for a man with vision, a man with faith, a man with more than twenty pairs of cowboy boots.
And that folks is why I support George W Bush the forty third and in my view the greatest president this union ever elected.