Wednesday, 4 June 2008

News direct meets Germaine Greer

Todays special interviewee is none other than Australian feminist, writer and literary critic, Ms Germaine Greer.
Although we at News direct do not agree with Ms Greer's outrageous views on the supposed equality of women, we feel it's in our readers best interests for us to expose them to even the wackiest ideas.

News direct- Ms Greer, why do you hate men so much? Are you a secret Australian lezza?

Germaine Greer- Well you waste no time getting to the crux of the issue do you? I've only just sat down and you have already painted me as a man hating antipodean lesbian.

Nd-Just answer the question Ms Greer, don't think you can come in here and soft soap me with your "charm"

GG-I wouldn't dream of trying to soft soap you, although you do look as if you could use a good bath.

Nd-Will you please answer the question!! Women!

GG-Why is it that you hate women so much that you see any intelligent articulate woman as a man hating lesbian? Is it perhaps an inbuilt fear of yours? Are you scared of strong women? Is that why you persist in trying to demean and stereotype women?

Nd- I don't demean women. Well not unless they ask me to, you know in a bedroom type situation there was this one woman once and she asked me to sh..

GG-I am not interested in your bedroom behaviour thank you very much!

Nd-But you asked and I was telling you about this woman I knew, she would make me crouch over her chest....

GG- Enough!

Nd-But I didn't finish the story....

GG- No I asked you a question and you careered off into a sexually perverted rant fully expecting me to be interested, which I can assure you sir I am not.


GG- No buts you horrible little man, either you gather together some sort of professionalism and conduct this interview with the respect I deserve or I will be forced to terminate it forthwith. Do I make my self clear?


GG- You heard me perfectly well the first time I shall not be repeating my self and stop chewing your pen! You are not a child.

Nd- I wasn't, I was scratching.

GG- You were not scratching you were chewing, give it here please.

Nd-But I need it to take notes.

GG- Pen please.


GG- Thank you, you can have it back afterwards.

Nd- (Handing the pen over) It's got David Beckham on it.

GG- You will get it back afterwards. Now can we please get on with this silly little interview. Next question?

Nd- Should all women be forced to stay at home and cook pies between bouts of submissive sex with their men?

GG- No, next question?

Nd- But..

GG- But what you silly little man? If you think I'm going to debate you juvenile attempts at an opinion you are sorely mistaken.


GG-Do you really believe I would consent to an interview without doing a little research on the publication involved? I know what your "technique" is, you invite people to a serious interview and then use the opportunity to parade your repertoire of bad knob gags and childish inuendo. Well I'm afraid I won't be playing along.

Nd-A long what?

GG- You sad, sad, sad little man.

Nd- So that's it then?

GG- I don't think there is any value in me staying around do you?

Nd- Nope I don't suppose there is really, you wouldn't want to.

GG- I wouldn't want to what?

Nd-Nah forget it you wouldn't want to, Anyway thanks for coming.

GG- Wouldn't want to what?

Nd- Suck me off.

GG- Heres your pen.

Nd- It's got Beckham on it.

GG- Yes it has.

Ms Greer's lawyers have asked us to point out that there was no oral sex involved in this interview.