Belfast- Today on the steps of the historic Stormont castle, seat of the Northern Ireland assembly, Gerry Adams leader of the IRA's political wing, Sinn Fein, declared from his beard to waiting reporters that he had an important communique from the IRA'S military council to read.
Mr Adams took a slightly crumpled piece of paper from his slightly crumpled 1970's tweed jacket and read the following statement:
"The Irish Republican Army's military council would like it to be known that contary to popular opinion the so called terrorist organization now engaged in armed struggle against neo-colonial American imperialism is quite crap.
The IRA in their twenty years of glorious struggle against a similar imperialist enemy achieved a kill rate of far more than the measley 3000 that this "terrorist" force have so far claimed.
Furthermore we couldn't rely on financial support from oil rich sheiks; we had to trawl New York's Irish bars and river dance for quarters to fund our glorious atrocities.In closing we would like to state categorically if we had wanted to we could have flown planes into buildings but we didn't want to cos it's a bit crap."
Mr Adams finished reading the statement and refused to take questions but did say that Sinn Fein would be releasing a video of the IRA's greatest hits, and hoped to have them in shops across the United States in time for St Patricks day.
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