Thursday, 28 June 2007

Latest terror plot averted

Washington D.C- At a press conference this morning officials from the Department of homeland security revealed details of the latest "Hollywood" style plot to have been foiled by the nation's zealous security services.
Thomas A Kitzenberger, head of Muslim surveillance, began the press briefing by saying "Ladies and gentlemen, We here at the Department of homeland security are pleased to announce that early yesterday morning officers from the religious intolerance squad of the Department of homeland security in conjunction with the FBI and sections of the ATF, staged a series of televisually stunning raids at a six separate addresses in the New york area. These brilliantly cinematic operations, I can now reveal, were spectacular success's and we believe may have foiled the most spectacular terrorist plot since the atrocity attempted in Die hard 2."

Mr Kitzenberger then went on to reveal details of the latest audacious attempt to mortally injure liberty.
"We have now taken into custody four dark skinned men and two light skinned men all of whom are believed to be followers of the prophet Mohamed, due to the fact that pitta bread was found in one of the suspects kitchens.
The gang, believed to be associated with Al quada elements controlling operations from deep within Guantanamo, had planned on using their filthy Muslim penis's to urinate in New York's largest reservoir, thereby contaminating the drinking water of over twenty million god fearing Americans.
But due to the diligence of our all consuming and ever watchful security services their foul attempt to make countless numbers of innocent men, women and children drink non Christian urine has been foiled.
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank our special undercover agent who has lived among these animals for the last six months, and without whom none of these arrests would have been possible.
The agent, with no regard for his own personal safety gained the trust of these ghastly criminals and over a period of months rose within their ranks to become their leader.
It was only then after months spent in some of the seediest Muslim bars in New york, that the gang began to plan their fateful strike at the heart of American democracy and our peace loving republic.
After constantly refusing the weapons and explosives our brave undercover agent had offered to supply them, they at last relented and agreed to accompany him on a tour of New york to scout for possible targets.
After two days of constantly driving the criminals round New york, they begged to be driven home and it was on that fateful drive home that one of the suspects said 'How about I piss in the reservoir will that make you happy man?'
It was at this point we decided to pull our agent out and make the arrests before they could put this dastardly plan into action."

The men are now being held at an unknown location believed to be somewhere within the vast American empire.