911 conspiracy nut tells all!!

Crawford- Ever since the charred rubble remains of that fateful day were removed, and the valuable steel sold to China, people have looked to the steadfastly determined US government to make sense of the confusion and fear that surrounds the most important terrorist attack in world history.

Just days after the September 2001 attack, while the still smoking foundations of the world trade centre were being forensically examined; a storm of "alternative" theories were already beginning to swirl and eddy around the feet of shocked investigators.

Late last week I met with one of the most vocal of these conspiracy theorists, a Mr G.W Bush, in his isolated Texas ranch. Amid the mountains of dog eared files and half finished cigarettes Mr Bush, with all the zeal of a TV evangelist, began to walk me through the many and varied corridors of his complicated take on the 2001 atrocities.

He began, after checking through his notes, by telling me of his belief that the massive phallic structures, and symbols of American greatness had been brought down by a small cabal of bearded Arabian gentlemen from a cave in the snowy and inaccessable mountains of northern Afghanistan.

Sensing my obvious unease at his ludicrous and far fetched claim, he smiled and said, "I know it sounds crazy, but if you look at the evidence objectively; you will in the fullness of time come to the same "crazy" conclusions."

Undeterred by my initial skepticism Mr Bush continued vigourously along his carefully constructed path and told me, "I firmly believe that a specially trained unit of these Arabs, took control of those planes that day, using only sharpened boxcutters and an unshakeable faith in their wicked God."

When I raised an eyebrow at his fantastic story and asked if this was really the case, then how could these supposed mountain men, get the sophisticated North American air defenses to stand down? How could they fly these planes with next to no training into the exact targets? How could they even finance such an operation without the much needed financial assistance of a friendly government's backing?

Mr Bush nodded and said, "Look at the evidence, firstly NORAD was conducting drills that day specifically simulating the exact details, and times of what was to happen that day, and on your second point they were known to have had as much as two days training in flying small aircrafts in and around the Florida area. on your last point about the finances you have to look at the "put" options placed on the airlines stocks that day."

When I responded to his last point and stated that the financial aspect had already been well investigated and that the leads discovered led investigators straight to a CIA front company. he smiled and said, "How convenient!"

With reasoning like this I knew he would never accept the real story of that epoch making day and left his ranch with a new and slightly disturbing insight into the dedicated group of men and women; who continue to fill the internet and the wackier newspapers of the nation with their strange and malignant beliefs.