Bush announces "War on reading"

Washington DC- President George W Bush today proudly announced his administrations new vote winning inititive that is sure to rival the already popular "War on terror".

The President humbly stood before the Washington press pack and laid out the details of his latest scare tatic. "As the American people know I have been steadfast in my determination to foster liberty, at home and abroad, and to protect our people from the horrors of empty slogans and ill defined bogeymen. It is therefore with this steadfast determination and an iron resolve that I have instructed all segments of my government to declare total war on the curse of reading."

As an appreciative murmur ran through the assembled lap dogs of the media; the President cleared his throat and continued "This war won't be like the glorious one our father's fought. It will be a war without end aimed at bringing back a country our proud founding fathers would have easily recognized and I'm sure applauded. From this day forth anybody caught with an unauthorized book, newspaper, magazine or pamphlet will be liable, under ammendment 26a of the Patriot act, to immediate arrest and imprisonment within our specially extended gulag at Guantanamo."

When asked why this new curb on freedoms was needed, when the nation was already fighting the double fronted war on terror and the ever popular war on drugs, the president responded "Readers are an insidious and silent danger to the freedom of this country and as such deserve the full attention of my administrations zealous fearmongering."

The President went on to say that some exemptions to the new war on reading would be announced shortly with most insiders believing that the exemptions will include the Bible and the government approved bile of Rupert Murdoch's Newscorp publications.

A spokesman for the Democratic party cautiously welcomed the new never ending war and stated "Obviously this is a problem we have been talking about for a long time and we are glad the President has finally seen fit to look at the problem. The only misgivings we have over new scare tatic is the proposed punishment of gitmoising reading terrorists.We would like to see summary execution as the penalty for this crime; maybe in converted libraries."