Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Bono: "I suffer the wounds of christ."

In an exclusive interview today with News direct, Irish Ghandi and sometime lead singer of U2 Bono O'bono, sensationally claimed to be suffering from the rare religious condition known to priest's and vicar's around the world as Stigmata.

The amazing revelations came as this reporter was granted a rare audience with his Holiness at his glamorous Dublin home.
Sat among his most treasured possessions, including rare first editions of all the worlds holy books, his Irish holiness, deigned to talk to this lesser mortal about his lifetime of unselfish, unheralded work amongst the poor of Dublin and Africa and also sensationally about his newly developed Stigmata.

He began by reiterating that it was he and not Bob Geldof who had ended the suffering of the dark continent, and for this he should be duly praised by the countless multitudes of a grateful world. he went on talk candidly about his new Stigmata by saying, "It was kinda a shock at first so it was, but I soon realised it was the fella, Jaysus, saying to me, 'Bono, I have chosen you to carry on my mission, so I have.'"

His Holiness then went on to describe how every Sunday, except when touring, blood begins to gush from the five spots traditionally associated with the injuries sustained by the original Christ during his final Roman induced debacle.

His Holiness continued to speak candidly about the issue and went on to explain how even though it was painful, he welcomed the Stigmata's appearance as final proof to a sceptical world that he was, "Really, really very special and not just an overrated Irish chancer."

On a lighter note his Holiness described, How when he told bandmate and sometime lover Edgy O'Edglon of his new world saving affliction, his bandmate's reply was, "It's a good fuckin' job we don't let ya play guitar then, innit!"

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