Thursday, 17 May 2007

Nintendo launch the pocket monkey

Tokyo- From Rubik's cube to the annoying Tamagotchi the whole world loves a craze.
The newest sensation to hit the streets of Japan and very soon the whole world is Nintendo's Pocket monkey.
These genetically engineered simians are set to take the world by storm in what retail experts have predicted will be a billion dollar sales bonanza.

The pocket monkeys are due to hit UK shops in late November just in time to be the must have toy this Christmas.
Pre-orders for tiny ape have already hit the million mark and has led to some desperate parents resorting to buying week old Gorillas for their kids and hoping for the best.

Mifune Takashi, creator of the pocket monkey, has predicted that within the next two years every child in the world will have their very own pocket monkey.
What Nintendo have failed to tell the world is that as well as genetically engineering the apes to be tiny, they have also engineered them to live no longer than six months.

The craze has already seen some negative aspects in Japan such as children being beaten and mugged on the streets for their new pocket monkeys.
In one famous case a man from Kyoto walked into his local hospital and told doctors that he had "accidentally" sat on his new pocket monkey and would be grateful if they could remove it from his anal canal.

Nintendo already foreseeing the end of the pocket monkey craze are said to be consumer testing their next primate based toy the "Ape in a cape" which the company hopes will replace the pocket monkey fad and be the must have toy for Christmas 2008.

15 comments:

paisley said...

please tell me this is a joke....

aningeniousname said...

I would like to take this chance to assure you and all our other readers here at News direct that all stories are 100 per cent true and are rigorously checked for accuracy before going to print.
You don't win 15 Pulitzer prizes and four Oscars by making up news!

Anonymous said...

what is up with the thing at the bottom of the psge that is groose if u dont take it off i will contact the police thanks

Aningeniousname said...

As I am currently unaware of any word in the English language such as 'groose' I will be unable to take any thing off the page and urge you to immediately contact the Police, thanks.

Anonymous said...

ok well its gross take it off now!!!!!!! and ou just types that in einglish

Aningeniousname said...

I know! Instead of me taking it off, why don't you go away and never come back?
Do you think you could do that? Do you?

PS, It's spelt English, that's E-N-G-L-I-S-H. English meaning from England. A word derived principally from the name of the dark age Germanic invaders of the aforesaid England, known to history as the Angles. That's A-N-G-L-E-S, Angles.

DMfromhell said...

That's a pygmy marmoset... smallest monkey in the world... And NOT genetically engineered.

Aningeniousname said...

I can assure you all our sources for this story have been throughly checked and a quick phone call to all the major African embassies has confirmed that no pygmies they subsequently questioned had any Marmosets whatsoever.
So I'm afraid we will have to stick with the genetically engineered pocket monkey. But thank you so much for your kind assistance in this troubling matter.

Anonymous said...

dude its a marmoset just look it up. those are baby marmosets please stop messing with people

Anonymous said...

what the hell is wrong with you nintendo makes video games not monkeys

Aningeniousname said...

I refer you two marmoset genius to the answer I gave DMhell above.
Thank you for making your news experience a News direct experience, if your mum gives you access to the computer again please come again.

Casey said...

OMG that is too funny! Reminds me of the genetically mutated dog that doesn't poop or shed

Garg the Unzola said...

If your pocket monkey is naughty, would you spank him?

Aningeniousname said...

I certainly Would Mr Garg! I would spank that monkey until he spewed or I fainted.
Either way there is no way I would allow my monkey to go chastised.

Anonymous said...

O look at the wee lil baby marmoset! Stop lying to everyone you shmuck!