Tuesday, 15 May 2007

BP denies Baku sex and corruption

London- Officials from BP have moved quickly to deny claims by Les Abrahams, the former head of the company's eastern European division, that he was encouraged to spend over forty five million dollars of company funds on lavish sex and drugs parties in order to win lucrative contracts in the former Soviet republic of Azerbaijan.

Mr Abrahams, now no longer working for the company, claims he was given the green light by disgraced homo chief executive Lord Browne to "Do what ever was necessary to gain the contracts."
Armed with a no limits company credit card Mr Abrahams flew to the Azerbaijani capital of Baku and began his amazing mission to corrupt officials from the newly installed BP sanctioned government of President Haydar Aliyev.

Mr Abrahams began his mission by rounding up 200 of the city's best looking women and booking a local holiday resort as a venue for the Roman style orgy he planned.
Officials soon began arriving and were greeted by baby oiled hostess's sporting only a BP tattoo on the cheek of each buttock and a smile.
From these modest beginnings grew a tale of corruption hitherto only achieved by the infamous Halliburton corporation and the court of Caligula.

Mr Abrahams soon realised these "normal" orgies were okay for the underlings of the state oil company but to get to the big players he needed to pull out all the stops and began shipping in not only hundreds of kilos of pure cocaine from BP's South American operations, but also young female panda's from Shanghai's seedy sexual underworld.
Top government officials were then said to have been entertained by the young bamboo bears at all night sex and cocaine parties.

Amazing as these tales are they are nothing to the realisation that not only were Tony Blair's government aware of what was going on, but that they actively encouraged these practices and were deeply involved in supplying arms for Aliyev's BP coup through the ever patriotic MI6.
Levels of corruption were said to be so bad within the company that they even consented to supplying the president's son with a brand new anteater dressed as an ageing Elvis Presley, which he then used to entertain foreign dignitaries.

Company denials of the allegations are made some what ridiculous by the British governments immediate placement of a D notice on the story banning all UK media from reporting on their dirty little secrets.
So in the spirit and tradition of the free press we here at News direct have decided to print the story and to say to Mr Blair "Fuck you and good riddance!"

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