Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Dr Bamboo denies gross misconduct charges

London-World famous doctor and sexual healer to the stars, Dr Mohendras K Bamboo was in London this morning to appear before the general medical council on charges of gross misconduct and criminal negligence.

Dr bamboo arrived at the preliminary hearing forty five minutes late and declared to waiting reporters that "All these bloody charges are not fucking true! That woman is just a bloody lying slut pig!"
The charges arise from a former patient of Dr Bamboo's who alleges that while seeing him for a case of persistent ear ache the doctor asked her to undress and then proceeded to place three fingers into her shocked vagina.

Sadly for Dr Bamboo this is not his first brush with the medical authorities. In 1995 the doctor was charged by the AMA in New york with filming unconscious female patients and selling the resulting tapes with titles such as "Horny sleeping bitches" and "Wow dude! That bitch looks dead!" to various Japanese voyeur websites.
Though as Dr Bamboo has since pointed out all charges were eventually dropped against him after all six witnesses died suddenly of Amoebic Dysentery.

After the two hour hearing a relaxed looking Dr Bamboo graciously consented to giving the assembled media his thoughts on the charges laid before him "I would like to take this moment to assure the world of my very deep innocence in these ugly and unsubstantiated charges against me and to further assure the world that this whole unfortunate charade has been a huge misunderstanding on the part of a sad and confused seventy five year old slut."

When questioned on the medical validity of placing three fingers into an elderly woman's vagina
on the pretext of curing an ear ache, the doctor responded furiously by asking "Are you a doctor!!! No I thought not! I was merely using an old Persian method for taking a ladies temperature with out having her suffer the discomfort of having a thermometer in her mouth for five minutes."

Dr Bamboo went on to say "And now because I put a patient's comfort before 'accepted medical practice' I am castigated and treated like a criminal, I can tell you fine gentlemen here and now that after I am cleared of these ludicrous charges, I will be suing that old bitch for everything she has got!."
With this last statement the doctor climbed into his waiting Bentley and was driven away at high speeds.

We here at News direct would like to take this opportunity offer our full support to our esteemed colleague in his fight for justice and will continue to look forward to his informative and almost saintly columns,
which can be read by clicking the link under the doctor's picture on the left side of this page.


paisley said...

i think granny should should have been thankful for small favors....that was probably more action than she has seen in quite some time!!!!

Aningeniousname said...

We here at News direct would like to point out that the esteemed Dr Bamboo totally rejects all the odious charges laid against him, and in our opinion this is clearly a blatant abuse of Dr Bamboo's "celebrity status" thus enabling this publicity hungry woman to get her name in the newspapers.
It is all in all a sad reflection of our modern age's addiction to celebrity.
Furthermore we would like to reiterate and reassure the almost saintly Dr Bamboo of our full and continued support through out this very difficult time.

writtentale said...


News direct and Dr. Bamboo can count on my continued support!


Ann Clemmons


Aningeniousname said...

Ann, thank you very much for your kind support. we will be sure to pass on your comments to the good doctor.
As I'm sure you can imagine this is a difficult time for all of us here at News direct and especially for that great humanitarian Dr Bamboo.

lucy said...

wow i actually thought this was true when i was reading it... durrrr.