Monday, 9 April 2007

US envoy arrives in Pyongyang

Pyongyang- A five man team of US negotiators arrived in the North Korean capital late last night in the hopes of persuading Kim Jong Il into trilateral talks with Washington and Beijing about North Korea's nuclear ambitions.

The American delegation were greeted at the airport by thousands of schoolchildren dressed as Iraqi insurgents, chanting in broken English "Imperialist American running dogs go home you are not welcome here in the glorious soviet socialist paradise created here on earth by our dear father and protector the majestic Kim Jong Il."

The American team were rushed through the jeering crowd by their huge security team and driven at high speed in 16 black Humvee's to their hotel in the centre of Pyongyang.

The American delegation are due to meet senior North Korean officials sometime next week and have been told by Washington to offer the Koreans "anything within reason" to try to persuade their reluctant hosts into talks.
Rumours abound within Pyongyang's diplomatic circles that the North Koreans will play hardball with the Americans and have already prepared a list of demands for the American team.

The list prepared by members of the North Korean Politburo is said to include a full apology for the Korean war with reparations, the restoral of diplomatic ties to Washington, a state visit by Prince Edward and an initial agreement to build a Disneyland Pyongyang.

The last two requests are believed to be personally sought by President Kim Jong Il as he believes having Prince Edward visit the country would add glamour and prestige to the much misunderstood nation. As for the building of Disneyland Pyongyang its thought the North Koreans are trying to boost their flagging tourism trade. Their homegrown theme park, Glorious revolution of the steadfast Korean peoples land, has so far failed to bring in the hordes of rich western tourists the government hoped it would.

The American team are said to be reluctant to acquiesce to all the Korean demands but are willing to consider the prince Edward option on condition Pyongyang agrees to immediately halt its ongoing nuclear program and consents to the trilateral talks they are demanding.

Whether the Koreans will accept this and give up the dream of Disneyland Pyongyang is still unknown as it's believed the president is a great admirer of Disney for their even handed treatment of dwarfs and their love of giant mice.

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