Friday, 27 April 2007

Hugh Grant: Baked bean terror!

London-The gullible herds of fat American tourists that clog Londons ancient arteries found themselves gawping in wonder yesterday, not at the capitals stunning architecture or indeed the ragged armies of the homeless, but instead at the sight of quintessential English gentleman and Cary Grant impersonator Mr Hugh grant beating a hapless photographer to within an inch of his life with a cheap tin of baked beans.

Grant,62, is said to have stumbled out of a nearby all night supermarket/bar in London's fashionable West end and immediately began to harangue an innocent pack of paparazzi.
Ralph Mcfilthy, one of the innocent photographers, witnessed the unprovoked attack and said "I was shocked, I have been a big fan of Hugh's and used to marvel at his seemingly innate ability to play slightly bemused upper class Englishmen, but what I witnessed here has made me think twice about enjoying his bumbling stuttering performances in the future."
Mr Grant is said to have lunged at the nearest photographer with the unopened tin of beans and proceeded to beat him upon the temple while screaming "Whats the frequency Kenneth!!!"
Shocked bystanders then tried to pull the glassy eyed star off his sobbing victim which then led to Mr Grant biting and scratching up to four more people in the incident some are now calling "Bean gate"

Mr Grant was eventually hustled by a team of passing minders into a blacked out Lexus and driven to an unknown location, believed to be somewhere in the home counties.
Whether the hugely popular actor can bounce back from this latest shocking episode still remains to be seen.
Misty Fortuna, one of London's top PR people told me by telephone this morning that "It's going to be very difficult to spin this one, I mean it's all very well picking up a syphilitic black whore on Hollywood boulevard, but this is England for Christs sake."

The early word emanating from Tinseltown is that the producers of Grant's latest film, the delightfully titled romantic comedy "Oh excuse me, I'm English!" are very nervous of releasing the film while Grants reputation still lies bleeding in a London gutter.
So it seems film fans may have to wait just a while longer to see the consummate professionals latest in depth characterisation.

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