Monday, 23 July 2007

IQ for CPU?

Washington D.C-In an audacious move designed to clear the Internet of it's less than genius subscribers, the US government has announced that from June 2008 all consumers wishing to buy a new computer must first apply for a PC license, which will then be awarded on the successful completion of a basic IQ test.

The radical move comes amid high level concerns that the millions of semi normal Americans cluttering the Internet are adding enormously to the nation's already battered image.
The President is said to be so concerned by the problem that he has publicly stated that he himself will now avoid computers, it is of course a token gesture but many feel this simple act could raise the IQ level of the web by at least ten per cent.

In an after dinner speech attended by Microsoft tyrant Bill Gates, the President said "When I was growing up we didn't have those computery box things and so I didn't feel the need to tell the world what I had for my breakfast and how painful it is being the son of a famous father, I just mostly drank and screwed hookers, that was how I dulled the pain of my existence.
Now I do have one I try stay away from it unless of course I'm reading Prison planet.com or looking at German pissing porn. I urge my fellow Americans to do likewise."

Opposition to the new regulation is already starting to take shape in the form of a protest group called 'Americans for the advancement of the less than normal citizen.'
Keanu Reeves celebrity spokesman for the new pressure group told News direct of his fierce opposition to the proposed computer license "Like whoooa dude, when I like heard it I was like blown away man!
Dude I'm never off my Apple man! I'm like always looking at stuff and talking to other dudes and dudettes. There's no way I'm gonna be able to pass no stupid test. That's why I like became an actor cos I cant do tests, unless it's a screen test!!!
Do you get it? Screen test, I'm an actor man, screen test! That was like major funny dude, screen test! I'm an actor! I was talking about the computer test and then said I cant pass tests unless it's a screen test, get it? I'm an actor!
Anyway dude, I believe this test is wrong man, it's like unamerican to punish stupidity, It's traditional in our great nation to reward stupidity.
So that's why I am against it, screen test you get it! I'm like a famous actor man, screen test!"

Many in Washington feel strong public opposition to the bill will fade over time as people realize
the banishment of mentally challenged citizens from cyberspace would do much to mend the once great nations tattered global image.

1 comment:

mwaybob said...

i support the cause, ive designed, printed and now im hoisting a flag in honour of this