Thursday, 12 July 2007

Fast food, a dinner for four?

London-Terry O'Connell is a man on a mission, the thirty six year old farmer from Essex has just unveiled the first of his genetically engineered farm animals which he is hoping will soon grace the nation's dinner tables.
The bird pictured here is named Perhaps Colin
and has been genetically manipulated to produce four tasty legs and so end the typical 'who gets a leg' argument familiar to every family of four.

Speaking to me earlier by telephone from his one hundred acre Essex farm, Mr O'Connell told me how he came up with this revolution in chicken leg technology "I originally developed the birds as racing animals and was intent on setting up a chicken racing circuit similar to the Formula one franchise, but the original backers dropped out due to the bird flu scare and I was left with six thousand four legged racing chickens.
I don't mind telling you this was my lowest ebb and at one point I was very close to bankruptcy, but as the old saying goes every cloud has a silver lining."

Mr O'Connell then went on to tell me how he audaciously snatched victory from the gaping jaws of defeat.
"The breakthrough came when I was really getting desperate, I had spent the day trying to train my fastest chicken, Mottled Jim, to complete a specially designed steeplechase course I'd based on the grand national course at Aintree.
Everything was going well until he came tearing down the course up to the Beecher's brook fence he then totally misjudged the height and came down hard on one of his back legs.
I don't mind telling you, I was in floods of tears when I realized his racing career was over.
It was my wife who suggested we should eat him as a tribute to a career unfulfilled.
It was then during Mottled Jim's tribute dinner that I suddenly realized each one of the four people at the table were chewing on one of Mottled Jim's legs, it was my eureka moment."

Since his eureka moment Mr O'Connell has secured two lucrative supermarket contracts and is in talks with a certain fast food company whom he refuses to name at this present time but did reveal they were very interested in coating some of Mr O' Connell's former athletes in secret spices and seeing how it goes.


Anonymous said...

I find this discusting and taking the secret spices company's track record in how they treat animals for the sake of glutony and greed in consideration quite fitting that they are in talks with the farmer of these frankinstein chickens. Mother nature is and will always be perfect it is a pity that foolish humans feel the need to better on a ingenious blue print.

Aningeniousname said...

We here at News direct feel it is beyond the scope of our publication to comment and the moral exactitude of the news we report, but we would in this instance like to warn you that the executors of The Mary Shelley estate have contacted us and requested that you cease and desist in using the term "Frankenstein chicken".

Theresa111 said...

This is sick!

Aningeniousname said...

I respectfully refer you to the comment printed above.

Anonymous said...

Thats sick man .. anybody that does this sort of thing needs their head examined!

Anonymous said...

wow this is truly unnatural! This is awful, you should be ashamed of doing this!