Famous British explorer lost

Bangkok-World famous British explorer, writer and bon vivant Sir Marmaduke Malaya is tonight the centre of a massive manhunt focusing on Thailand's famous Pattaya beach resort. Which since his divorce from his third wife Mitzti has been sir Marmaduke's main home.
Sir Marmaduke, famous the world over for his heroic but failed attempt to swim naked from Antarctica to Tierra del fuego, was last seen early Friday evening by his girlfriend Ms Starflower Lon Kok, 17, who has subsequently told the Royal Thai police that sir Marmaduke had told her that he was "Just popping down to the market for lubricant."

Ms Lon Kok then contacted police later that evening when Sir Marmaduke failed to return from the all night sex market and host his regular Friday night soirée.
Police immediately began to comb the famous Pattaya beach resorts bars and clubs in the hope that the world's greatest living explorer had been lured into one of the many bars on his way home and lost track of time.

Sir Marmaduke was a regular sight in some of the resorts seedier bars and could often be seen sat at the bar drinking vodka and Creme de menthe cocktails while regaling tourists and young bar girls with his tales of daring do.
Sir Marmaduke was also said to be particularly fond of watching the local girls trying to outdo each other at the traditional Thai sport of ping pong.

It's believed police are now working on premise that Sir Marmaduke has taken the lucky winner away to celebrate, but are still refusing to rule out suspicious circumstances.
Her majesty Queen Elizabeth has asked the Thai prime minister to keep her informed and this reporter has it on good authority that her majesty is said by palace insiders to be "extremely concerned" as to the greatest living Britons whereabouts.