Tuesday, 12 February 2008

McCain steps up his momentum.

Idaho-Yesterday it was a school for the deaf in Florida, today it's an audience of farmers in rural Idaho, tomorrow Senator John McCain hopes it will be the presidency of the United states of America. After an exhausting round of Republican primaries the seventy one year old former POW looks to be on the verge of winning his party's nomination.
The campaigning process is an exhaustive non stop trip around the country so it was a tired looking Senator that took the stage in the small gymnasium of Richard M Nixon high school. The homemade signs handed out just moments before, by party workers, were duly waved as the septuagenarian Senator wearily began his eighth speech in six hours.

First on the Senator's agenda was the beauty and patriotic fervour of this particular part of Idaho, this opening gambit was duly lapped up and was followed by the obligatory chorus's of USA USA USA USA.
McCain basked in the chanting crowd before slowly raising his arms and appealing for quiet.
When McCain received his requested silence he launched into his now familiar story of how being tortured by the Vietnamese had made him the only candidate in America worthy of carrying on President Bush's long long long long long war (Which is what the war formerly known as the war on terror must now be known as)
Warming to his theme the Senator from Arizona told the fevered crowd of semi illiterate inbreds
that "All the time I was in that there Hanoi Hilton bearing the most unimaginable tortures and humiliations, I swore to myself that if I ever got out of there I was gonna become President of the United states and make sure that crimes and wars like that never happened again and that's why if elected President I would only sanction wars and torture against foreigners and of course all domestic dissenters, that's the American way and that's what I stand for!"

After the cheers and applause died down the Senator took questions from the floor, the first of which asked about the Senator's stance on universal health care to which he replied "Well as I'm sure most of you are aware, I was savagely tortured while doing my duty in Vietnam and as I lay on my piss soaked mattress in that Gook hell hole dreaming of Cindy Lou, Coca Cola and white picket fences, I swore to myself that one day I would become President and make sure that every American has the right to buy health insurance at prices set by the god given mechanism of the free market. I'm sure that's what God would want."

The next questioner asked the candidate what role faith played in his life, the Senator's face took on a humble, almost pious look as he answered "Faith has played a very important role in my life, as some of you may know I was tortured in Vietnam and all through that horrible forty two years in captivity I talked to God every single day and when the psychological torture was at its worst and they were putting very hot chili peppers in my daily rice rations, God used to say to me 'Forgive them John they know not what they do, they are foul yellow skinned devils and you will one day be President of the greatest holiest freedomest lovingest country on the face of the whole wide world!!!!!' So to answer your question Sir, I take my faith in the baby Jesus extremely seriously and I will kill any man who says I don't."

The Senator then raised his arms and led the now near rabid crowd in a loud and raucous rendition of 'Born in the USA' as images of torture and war were beamed onto the large flag covered wall behind him.
If McCain does win the republican nomination and goes forward to do battle with the chosen Democrat it will be a brave man that bets against the fighting spirit of Senator John McCain.

1 comment:

~Static~ said...

McCain also once stabbed a man over a can of beans.