Tuesday, 15 January 2008

News direct meets Ron Jeremy

In his long and distinguished career in the adult business, Ron Jeremy has been called everything from "The most unlikely porn star ever" to, bizarrely, the Hedgehog.
Today it's News direct's immense pleasure to meet the man, the myth, the legend, the incomparable Ron Jeremy.

News direct-They do Ron Ron, they do Ron Ron.

Ron Jeremy-They do?

Nd-That's what the song says.

RJ-Well if it's in a song, I guess they must do.

Nd-Do you Ron?

RJ-Do I what?

Nd-Good answer. If they didn't would you still?

RJ-What are you talking about?

Nd-I don't know, I was trying to reinvent the techniques of the interview form.

RJ-It's not working is it?


RJ-You wanna start again and do it the normal way?"

Nd-Yeah if you don't mind.

RJ-No problem.

Nd-Ron Jeremy, your an immensely fat man and as attractive as the mayor of a small Turkish town famed throughout the Mediterranean for the repulsiveness of its men. Has this ever held you back in your career?


Nd-Could you elaborate?


Nd-Are you going to?


Nd-Why not?

RJ-Because the question was framed just to insult me and I don't think it deserves an answer.

Nd-Are you going to be difficult?

RJ-No, not if you ask me some interesting and politely framed questions.

Nd-Knew you'd be trouble.

RJ-So are we gonna do this interview or what?

Nd-Hang on, I'm thinking of a question!

RJ-Jesus Christ! You shouldn't have to think of questions!! Didn't you prepare for the interview before hand??

Nd-Yeah, of course I did.

RJ-Well where's your fucking questions?

Nd-I left them at home.

RJ-Fucking hell!! Is this why we had the attempt at a reinvention of the interview?


RJ-Jesus, I've seen some pricks in my time buddy, but you definitely take the prize.

Nd-I meant to pick them up, I even left them next to the door so I wouldn't forget them, but I forgot them.

RJ-Shall we just forget this interview then?

Nd-No! I can still do it!! Just give me a minute to think, It's not helping you badgering me about it.

RJ-Fine, you got five minutes.

Five minutes later.


Nd-Can I just have five more?


Five minutes later.

Nd-Ron Jeremy, do you like doing it to ladies?

RJ-That's the best you could come up with in ten minutes? Jesus H Christ!

Nd-Well you was rushing me! Just answer the question!!

RJ-Fucking hell, yes I like "doing it" with ladies.

Nd-How many have you done it with?

RJ-I have no idea.

Nd-More than me?

RJ-I would think so yes.

Nd-You don't know that for certain.

RJ-I've been a porno star for over thirty years!!


RJ-Well I would think by the very nature of my day to day working life that I would have more opportunity to "do it" with women than you would ever have had.

Nd-How do you know that I'm not a full time gigolo for old women and just a part time journalist?

RJ-Are you?

Nd-No, but I have done it with loads of ladies.

RJ-How many?

Nd-Including this week?

RJ-Yeah if you like.

Nd-Errrr......are we only talking about women I've actually put it inside of?


Nd-So, that would beeeeeee.....including the ones this week...I'd sayyyyyy..... about a million, give or take a few hundred thousand.

RJ-Yeah right buddy.

Nd-Yes I have!!!

RJ-Yeah ok.

Nd-I fucking have!!!

RJ-Alright, name them.


RJ-Name me some of them.


RJ-Thought you might not.

Nd-I'm a gentleman, that's why I won't.

RJ-Just name me one then.


RJ-Shall we move on?

Nd-Yes please.

RJ-Anymore questions?

Nd-Can I have five minutes, I forgot my questions while I was counting all the ladies I have done it with.


Five minutes later.

Nd-Janice Taylor!!!!!!!


Nd-Janice Taylor.

RJ-Who the fuck is Janice Taylor?

Nd-One of the million women.

RJ-Fucking hell!!! I thought you were thinking of a question!!!!

Nd-I was, but then I remembered her name.

RJ-So what's the question?

Nd-Have you ever slept with Janice Taylor?


Nd-Have you ever slept with Janice Taylor? Answer the question Mr Jeremy.

RJ-No, I haven't.

Nd-I have!!

RJ-Good for you buddy!

Nd-She even said afterwards that I was "Perfectly acceptable" in bed.

RJ-She was probably being nice.

Nd-Jealous, Ron Jeremy?

RJ-Yeah of course.

Nd-You do know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit don't you?

RJ-Is it really?

Nd-You think you're great don't you? Just cos you have done it with a couple of ladies.

RJ-Just move on.

Nd-How big is your cock?

RJ-Big enough.

Nd-Bigger than mine?

RJ-Fucking hell!! Is this going to be the whole tone of the interview??

Nd-What do you mean?

RJ-All this competitive bullshit.

Nd-I don't know what you mean.

RJ-Just ask me the next question.

Nd-Ron Jeremy.


Nd-Ron Jeremy, do you think you could beat me in a race?

RJ-That's it, I've had enough.


RJ-I've had enough of this bullshit interview.

Nd-Hang on!! I have loads more questions!!

RJ-Go ahead then.

Nd-Can I have five more minutes?

RJ-No That's it, bye.


Janice_T said...

It must have been special. sorry I can't remember you for the life of me!

Aningeniousname said...

Can you please email that bastard Ron Jeremy and tell him how "Perfectly acceptable" in bed I am?

deathsweep said...

Wow! He was really defensive wasn't he? I mean, all you had for him were a few measly questions and he never gave you a straight answer!

Aningeniousname said...

I think he was intimidated by my tough interview style and immense sexual charisma.

Mewie said...

Oh my goodness, that was freaking hilarious!

Jeremy Janson said...

That's hillarious.