Saturday, 15 December 2007

England get their man

London-After the disastrous reign of ginger supremo Steve 'Watch my hair' Mclaren the FA have moved quickly and appointed a much hunkier successor. The news coming from Soho square this morning is that Brian Barwick, the head of the FA, has offered Fabio a four million pound a year contract that will run until England's first round exit at the 2010 world cup.

Little is known about England's new manager but that hasn't stopped Barwick from trumpeting the announcement to the world's press, earlier today he told waiting reporters that "Fabio is definitely our man he is soooo dreamy, he let me touch his biceps earlier and I went all funny in my tummy. I really think he is the man to take England forward, obviously I also believed that about Mclaren and although Steve was a very handsome man, for a ginger, he is nowhere near Fabio's league. The team photos are going to be great now."

When questioned on the new man's glaring lack of football experience Barwick was quick to defend Fabio's record "Although he has never actually taken charge of a football team, I think you will all agree his record compares favourably with his predecessor's, and as you all know being England manager isn't about football, it's much bigger than that.
For far too long now we have been beaten in the handsome stakes by so called 'lesser nations'. You only have to look at the Croatia game, the Croatians had the dreamy eyed Slaven Billic prowling the touchline like some ravenous sexual panther and we had a middle aged ginger bloke protecting his rapidly vanishing quiff with an umbrella, it didn't look good."

Sources within the FA have confirmed that Fabio was actually the favoured choice to succeed housewives favourite Sven Goran Erikkson, but was unavailable at the time due to his extensive commitments to hunkdom, although Barwick refused to confirm this he did say "It's true I have been a fan of Fabio's for a long time now, I had his last calendar you know the one where he is a pirate in July and a fireman in October. I'm just glad we finally managed to get our man and I can't wait to see the new team calendar, if we can persuade him to drop Rooney from the squad I think it will be a very special tribute to all that's hunky in the world."

So having now got their favoured candidate the FA will be under immense pressure to start producing sales figures commensurate with their status as one of the world's biggest brands. Barwick told reporters "I'm not frightened by the challenge and I'm sure Fabio isn't, if anyone can sell the England football team it's this guy, I admit that in going ginger last time we made a big mistake, but the thinking at the time was Mclaren would slot into the 'cute' category and as soon as we realised our mistake it was to late. I know one thing though, their won't be a single team in world football that will be able to compete with us in the dreamy stakes now!"


SheR. said...

Hahaha!!! This is so funny!!! They should get Fabio. At least it's better to watch him than the football which is nothing to watch.

Aningeniousname said...

Thank you Sher and you are right watching England can be like watching nothing, a very well paid and uncommitted nothing but a nothing all the same.
We are just hoping Fabio can inject some much needed spunk into the team.

Agnes Mildew said...

Fabio certainly looks spunk-filled. Brain dead, but spunk-filled, definitely. He can only be an improvement, though, surely? Actually, does England have a football squad or are they just male models, with the exception of Rooney, designed to bring in extra dosh from the Pretty Boy merchandising?