Thatcher talks!

London- In an exclusive interview with News direct Britain's finest post war Prime minister Baroness Margaret Thatcher talked candidly about her feelings on the Iraq war and, controversially, the performance of the current occupant of number ten.

The baroness received me cordially into the darkened office of her smart London townhouse and, after offering tea, began to hold forth on world affairs and their obvious mishandling by what the Baroness termed "Twats"
"I had such great hopes for Tony." she said "But he has made such a big mess of everything. I told him subdue your own peasants first, show them who is boss, then you can go bomb a few wogs! But would he listen?"
The Baroness smoothed the papery skin on her frail claw like hand and continued "I would have handled little Georgie much differently he would have been a good boy like uncle Ronnie was or he would have felt the edge of my tongue."
The baroness's eyes seemed to regain some of their old fire as she talked of disciplining the president and one could almost sense some of the old fear she regularly instilled into her vapid cabinet of yes men.

During the Baroness's term of office she was lauded the world over for her fearless crushing of the British unions and the subsequent poverty and misery her careful stewardship of the nation created.
Talking of her achievements the Baroness modestly declared her self to be one of the giants of twentieth century politics and fit only to be compared to the other giants of the century, namely Mao, Stalin and the former leader of Germany Mr Adolf Hitler.
"The trouble with those three is they were not hard enough on the plebs, of course they killed millions, but I always felt it's better to crush a persons hopes and dreams, kill their soul thats the real test of a leader, you need them ground to dust under your heel and then when they are compliant you can work them as hard and for as long as you like."

The Baroness then with a wave of her withered hand indicated the interview was over and two of her hired goons graciously escorted me to the front door and threw me onto the pavement outside the Baroness's lovely home.
Spending time with the Iron lady reminded me of her glory days, a time when Britons were proud to be steadfastly right wing free market bigots and not the bleating set of anti war, anti corporate sheep the current occupant of number ten has seen fit to mould as his legacy.

Cameron "Gays and blacks will pay more tax."

Prime ministerial hopeful, Conservative leader David Cameron today told the legendary Journalist, Sir David "soft question" Frost, that under a future Conservative government the nation's vast army of gays and blacks will have to shoulder a much higher tax burden.

Old Etonian Mr Cameron told a fawning Sir David, that although he and the Shadow Chancellor George Osbourne, hadn't yet begun to crunch the numbers, all early indications point to the very likely possibility of this measure having to be taken.

He justified his proposed tax hikes for the gay/black community by saying, "David, we all know they have been getting away with murder under the present administration, due partly, I believe to the high proportion of gays and blacks sitting on the government's side of the house. In my proposals for the future taxation of said individuals, we will be looking to set their basic rate of tax at around the 85 per cent mark."

When the deeply respectful Sir David gathered his nerve and timidly questioned Mr Cameron on the seemingly high rate of tax mentioned, the nicely spoken Mr Cameron replied, "Well yes, at first glance it may seem harsh David, but when you look into the figures and see who it is who actually uses the Police, fire, ambulance and of course the casualty departments, you are astounded by the remarkably high number of gays and blacks using these services."

News of the proposals have been greeted nationwide as a welcome move and has led to worried Labour party officials hastily preparing their own gay/black tax proposals.

A spokesman for the Parliamentary Labour party was quick to affirm that the government was indeed looking into this matter long before the Conservatives had thought of using it for political advantage, and went on to say that, "This was originally an idea proposed in cabinet by the Deputy Prime minister John Prescott, he has long been in favour of what he termed the 'puff's and darkies tax', but at the time he first proposed it there was a lot of opposition within the cabinet and the prime minister decided to put it on the back burner."