Fast food, a dinner for four?

London-Terry O'Connell is a man on a mission, the thirty six year old farmer from Essex has just unveiled the first of his genetically engineered farm animals which he is hoping will soon grace the nation's dinner tables.
The bird pictured here is named Perhaps Colin
and has been genetically manipulated to produce four tasty legs and so end the typical 'who gets a leg' argument familiar to every family of four.

Speaking to me earlier by telephone from his one hundred acre Essex farm, Mr O'Connell told me how he came up with this revolution in chicken leg technology "I originally developed the birds as racing animals and was intent on setting up a chicken racing circuit similar to the Formula one franchise, but the original backers dropped out due to the bird flu scare and I was left with six thousand four legged racing chickens.
I don't mind telling you this was my lowest ebb and at one point I was very close to bankruptcy, but as the old saying goes every cloud has a silver lining."

Mr O'Connell then went on to tell me how he audaciously snatched victory from the gaping jaws of defeat.
"The breakthrough came when I was really getting desperate, I had spent the day trying to train my fastest chicken, Mottled Jim, to complete a specially designed steeplechase course I'd based on the grand national course at Aintree.
Everything was going well until he came tearing down the course up to the Beecher's brook fence he then totally misjudged the height and came down hard on one of his back legs.
I don't mind telling you, I was in floods of tears when I realized his racing career was over.
It was my wife who suggested we should eat him as a tribute to a career unfulfilled.
It was then during Mottled Jim's tribute dinner that I suddenly realized each one of the four people at the table were chewing on one of Mottled Jim's legs, it was my eureka moment."

Since his eureka moment Mr O'Connell has secured two lucrative supermarket contracts and is in talks with a certain fast food company whom he refuses to name at this present time but did reveal they were very interested in coating some of Mr O' Connell's former athletes in secret spices and seeing how it goes.

Easter island: Incest eggs orgy shame

Easter island- This small isolated outcrop of rock stranded in the vast blue desert of the pacific ocean is known the world over for its mysterious giant stone heads and its barren treeless hills.

A little known fact, that does not appear in any offical guide to the island, is the strange easter ritual of the inhabitants that until recently was a closely guarded secret. The ancient rite dates back to long before the discovery of the island by Dutch seaman, coincidently on easter sunday, in 1722.

As the land thirsty Dutch struggled ashore and up onto the island's only beach they were shocked to find themselves in the middle of an astonishing secret rite.
For centuries the islanders had performed the ancient rite of the "pook ya nui" which was a way for the islanders to deflower the islands virgins and appease their wrathful penis shaped god.

The ceremony called for the great grandfathers of the soon to be sluttified virgins to eat nothing but the eggs of the Cadbury bird, for a period of 17 days, and for the then half starved octogenarians to spend the next 17 days devirginising the grateful girls.The climax of the ceremony was achieved when the exhausted elders dropped to the floor and died so passing on the torch of life and their genes to the next generation.

After settling the islands the Dutch, and then the Spanish, tried in vain to stamp out this vile pagan custom but only succeeded in driving it deep underground.
The Chilean Government became so worried by the strange practice that ever since easter 1978 they have deployed special army units, trained in the art of spotting geriatric hope, to the islands to try to quell this most shocking of practices .But local traditions die hard and the ceremonies now take place deep underground in what are known as "virgin holes".

The authorities are powerless to stop this easter debacle and can only try to make sure that their troops get to these virgin holes before the egg driven loins of easter island's oldest residents.