Amy Wineshop lighter fuel shame

London-Heavily tattooed alcoholic and Billy Holiday impersonator Amy Wineshop has today found herself at the centre of a new media storm after being caught sipping from a can of cheap own brand lighter fluid.
Miss Wineshop,58, was spotted by shocked onlookers as she left Patel's mini mart in Camden high street swigging from a bright yellow tin of her favourite new tipple and telling passers by to "Fuck right off"

Ever since the semi talented karaoke singer burst onto the international music scene she has seemed to positively court controversy.
From her homemade tattoos, bad hair and drug abuse right through to her shocking rendition of "I left my cunt in San Fransisco" on the BBC's flagship Children in need telethon, Miss Wineshop has gone out of her way to make her self into the "Anti Yentl"

But the lighter fluid episode really does seem to be the low point in a career littered with embarrassing low points.
Friends of the star are now said to be so worried by her unusual drinking habits that they routinely lock up all household cleaning products in case she decides visit them in the early hours.

One worried friend told News direct that "Of course we are very worried by Amy's constant substance abuse and troubling penchant for the kind of tattoos a drunken sailor would refuse to have.
If these lighter fuel rumours are true it really does seem that she has hit rock bottom.
It was only a few months ago I found her laid in my front garden out cold with her legs akimbo, at first I was delighted as I thought she had brought George Micheal round for a night cap then I realised she wasn't wearing any knickers, it was awful, just awful."

The irony of the dreadful situation is that as Miss Wineshop's personal life has spiraled out of control her fame and celebrity have risen to the dizzying heights of tabloid super fame.
Bernie Clifton, celebrity PR guru and arch media manipulator, told News direct how he would handle the lighter fuel scandal the scarecrow chanteuse has suddenly found her self embroiled in "This is solid gold publicity, it really is!
If she were my client I would follow this story up with something sexual, something the public could really get their teeth into, maybe "Wineshop panda sex fury!!" you know the sort of thing, something that will really make middle england spit up it's cornflakes.
All this talk of rehab is career suicide and if she was my client I would be doing my utmost to push her away from that career option. Rehab is for has beens who need to get their name back in the papers, Amy's doing just fine and I would advise her to only consider the rehab option once her record sales begin to drop."

All eyes will now be trained on Buckingham palace where Miss Wineshop is due to receive a Dame hood from Her majesty the Queen, in recognition of her tireless work to promote a positive image of Britain abroad.
Miss Wineshop will receive the coveted honour before being whisked away by unlicensed mini cab to appear before Bow magistrates court on three charges of drunk and disorderly behaviour and two charges of indecent exposure in a built up area.