Mclaren expects stern test in Andorra

Barcelona- At a chaotic press conference this afternoon the England manager Steve "Ginger comb-over" Mclaren declared that he expects the mighty footballing power of Andorra to give his England side one of the sternest tests they have yet faced.

The ginger supremo told reporters he fully expected the Andorrans to press the ball and put England under pressure from the start "I have watched the Andorrans and they are probably one of the best sides in the world, even though results in the last ten years have mainly gone against them, so I will be happy to get a point from what I believe will be a very tight game."

Reacting angrily to suggestions that his team were a cosseted set of fragile prima donas Mclaren said "That's absolute rubbish!! They have proved that by promising not to go out for a drink before the game and Rooney even promised me I could have his shirt after the game so I don't know where you get all this fragile Madonna stuff from."

England are expected to field a revolutionary 5-5 formation in the hopes of stifling the Andorran attack and of taking home a hard earned point.

Mclaren talking of his thinking behind the new formation said "We know they are going to put us under a lot of pressure for long periods in this game and to make sure we dont crack I've been working very hard on our midfield movement and I dont want to count my chickens but yesterday I think gerrard recognized frankie lampard!! So I'm hopeful that we have at last sorted out our midfield problem.

Whether Mclaren's claims to have fixed England's faltering midfield are true or not will be seen wednesday night in the heat of the battle against the mighty Andorrans in Barcelona's Olympic stadium.

Why I support George W Bush

I'm going to let you good folks in on a little secret, a secret not even my closest friends know, intrigued?

Once a very long time ago while still in college, your faithful reporter once voted Democrat.
Now I know what you're thinking, why did a patriotic all American boy like him sell his very essence to the vile anti American communist entity that plagues our sacred electoral system?

Well like all red blooded American males I did something I'm not proud of for one reason and one reason only- to get laid.

Now I'm not here to advocate or even justify my vile actions to a obviously horrified nation, no I'm here to say yes, you can commit crimes in your youth and filled with regret you can also strive like a patriot to correct the wrongs you have done to the American people.

For does it not say in the good book, (the book of Cyril, verse four.)

Thoust shall make all right in your older days, all that thouest done wrong in thouest younger days, and ye shall never again touch your neighbours donkey in an inappropriate manner without said donkeys express and written permission.

This is one of the reasons I now feel obliged to support our current president, a man who though born to great power is a humble man, as at home reading stories of goats to beautiful wholesome American children as he is waging a valiant holy war against those filthy rag headed heathens who blatantly deny our lord Jesus Christ.

Now I can hear the traitorous left leaning scum among you say yes, we know the president is a good and humble man but we hate all that is just and righteously American, why should we support the president?

I'll tell you why you dirty liberal pinko bastards, because we have your names and addresses, you really think that the ballot box is secret?
Think again you filthy socialist traitors, we know who you put your dirty little mark against and in the not too distant future expect a knock on the door in the middle of the night.

This is why, after a youthful indiscretion I've worked my whole life to right that wrong and to steer the young and impressionable minds of this country into voting for a man with vision, a man with faith, a man with more than twenty pairs of cowboy boots.
And that folks is why I support George W Bush the forty third and in my view the greatest president this union ever elected.

Swastika slave girls in Argentina's no escape brothel camps

Buenos Aries- The proud Argentine nation may be best known for the Tango, Evita, beef and cheating soccer midgets.
But deep underneath the garish azure skies and various Nazi Juntas lies possibly the darkest secret of all.

Newly declassified documents from the capital's Archivos documentales muy secretos have revealed the existence of a network of super secret Nazi brothel camps. The camps known as "Campos de la putas" were frequented by the armed forces top brass and even members of Argentina's 750 post war governments.

The horrific sex camps were established sometime after 1945 and scattered across the nations vast pampas grass lands.
The "Bitch camps" were filled with female opponents of Juan peron's "Sunshine and beef" fascism and staffed by members of Argentina's elite Tango del muerte commando unit.

Female prisoners were made to wear regulation lingerie and fed only on oysters and secret sex vitamins manufactured by the infamous Nazi war criminal Dr Ernst Shitclitz (who had been living in Argentina since 1951 under the name Juan puta.)

The existence of these camps was highly classified and admittance restricted to members of the ruling juntas and visiting dignitaries.
Once such visiting dignitary, Henry Kissinger, was so impressed by the camps that on his return to Washington he urged the then President, Richard Nixon, to to establish American versions.
Though the American versions were never built largely due to the Watergate debacle; the idea did live on and was successfully adapted by Halliburton in war torn Bosnia.

The Argentine camps continued to function as depositories of VIP sperm until well into the eighties when Argentina's smallest bitch camp was liberated by British troops after the fall of Port Stanley during the Falklands crisis.
British commanders were so shocked and turned on by conditions in the liberated bitch camp that to this day soldiers who witnessed the utter sexiness of the camp steadfastly refuse to fully reveal the horrific details of the south Atlantic's dirtiest secret.